To Wait Or Not To Wait
by BigSister2
Summary: Quatre loves Duo, but Duo needs some time to figure things out. Will Quatre be waiting for him when he returns? Some 2x4 and 3x4.
1. Leaving

Summary: Quatre loves Duo, but Duo needs some time to figure things out. Will Quatre be waiting for him when he returns?

Pairing: Main Duo/Quatre

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters.

Warnings: Angst, Alcoholism

* * *

Quatre smiled happily as he put some bread in the toaster and pushed the lever down. Duo had been staying with him for a couple of months, every since they had been coerced under a mistletoe and shared a kiss. It was just a joke supposedly, but once Quatre's lips touched Duo's he felt a spark and wanted to pursue something more. Duo didn't complain as they decided to take the relationship slowly to see where it would lead.

Quatre couldn't be happier. It had been a short amount of time since he had been with Duo, but he knew he was in love and happily told Duo so. And despite the fact that Duo hadn't returned the words of endearment, that didn't deter Quatre from loving him.

Duo took a deep breath as he stood in the kitchen entrance way with his duffel bag at his feet and a backpack slung on his shoulder. This was going to be one of the hardest things he had done in his life, but he had to do it.

"Quatre."

Quatre placed the now toasted bread on a plate and turned around smiling at Duo.

"Good morning Duo. I was hoping we could have breakfast together and then maybe catch a movie or something."

"I'm sorry Quatre, but that's not going to be possible today."

"Oh."

Quatre noticed the bag at Duo's feet, but smiled anyway. Duo was always taking odd jobs that required him to be gone for some days at a time so even though he was slightly disappointed he knew Duo was going to be back soon.

"So where are you headed this time and how long are you going to be gone?

"I don't know."

"You don't know where you're going or how long you're going to be gone?"

Duo adjusted the pack on his back and looked everywhere, but at Quatre because he knew what he had to say was going to hurt the blonde.

"I'm going back to L2 for awhile. I have to take care of a few things."

"I'm not sure I understand."

Duo swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, Quatre, but I'm going back to L2 to tie up some loose ends and figure some things out about myself and about us."

Quatre's face fell and he stood right in front of Duo so he had no choice, but to look at him.

"You're leaving because of me? Because I love you?"

"Quatre..."

Duo caressed Quatre's cheek when he saw tears in Quatre's blue eyes, but he remained firm in his decision.

"I'm just not sure if being here with you is where I want to be. I need to make sure this is something I can do and for that I need to go and figure things out on my own."

Quatre bit his lip. This was all his fault. He shouldn't have pushed Duo the relationship into something serious.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you any discomfort." Quatre apologized.

"No, don't apologize Quatre."

Duo pulled Quatre to his chest and held him. "It's not you. You've done nothing wrong. I wish I could just accept the love you're giving me now, but I just can't."

Duo let Quatre go and held him at arms length. "I'm not telling you to wait for me Quatre because that wouldn't be fair to you, but I'll come back. I don't know when, but I swear to you I'll come back."

Quatre forced a smile as Duo kissed him on the cheek before picking up his duffel bag on the floor. Quatre watched Duo turn around and walk out the door not knowing when he was coming back. And yet that didn't make Quatre love him any less.

* * *

Wow this is sad. Hopefully no one is crying yet.

In the next chapter Quatre meets with the other Gundam pilots.


	2. Support

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters.

Thanks to paprika sundae for reviewing and thanks to all you others who are taking the time to read this. Enjoy.

* * *

"I'm glad we could all get together today." Wufei said, sipping on a cup of tea.

"Yes, me too." Quatre said, placing a tray of bite sized sandwiches on the table.

"Yeah, except for everyone isn't here. Where is Duo at?" Questioned Heero.

"He's working. Couldn't make it today." Quatre answered stiffly.

Trowa noticed Quatre's change in demeanor but remained quiet.

Wufei however wasn't going to disregard it. "You're lying."

Quatre frowned. "I'm not lying. Duo is gone and won't be here today."

"I hardly think Duo would miss our gathering. Did something happen between you two?" Trowa asked softly.

Quatre sighed as he walked over to the window looking at the leaves falling off the tree in the yard. He knew he shouldn't have kept a secret like this from his friends, but it hurt too much to think about Duo not being with him. They were his friends though and they deserved an explanation.

"Duo left." Quatre began. "He wasn't sure if being in a relationship with me is something he wanted so he's gone back to L2 to think things over."

Wufei frowned. That explained why every time he called over only Quatre answered the phone. "And when did he leave?"

"About three months ago."

Heero raised an eyebrow. Three months sounded like enough time to figure things out. Duo should have been back.

"Why didn't you tell us, Quatre?"

Quatre ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah like I'm going to tell you guys Duo left because I was too pushy."

Quatre leaned his head against the cool glass of the window and closed his eyes. "I should have just left things as they were. I shouldn't have told him how I really felt."

Trowa walked behind Quatre and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You wouldn't be you if you started hiding your emotions, Quatre."

"Maybe, but at least I wouldn't be alone." Quatre whispered.

Trowa's heart broke as he heard the heartache in Quatre's normally cheerful voice.

Quatre took a deep breath and composed himself before turning towards his friends and forcing a smile.

"I'm sorry guys, its just taking me a bit to get over it."

Heero frowned. He felt responsible for Quatre's pain because it was his idea to put up the mistletoe at the Christmas party. If Duo and Quatre never kissed maybe Quatre wouldn't be sad right now.

"I can look for him." Heero offered.

Quatre shook his head. "No. This is something Duo needs to do. Besides Duo said he would come back."

"He's been gone for three months already, Winner. Have you talked to him?" Wufei asked.

"...No."

"And what happens if Maxwell doesn't come back?" Wufei stated.

Trowa shot Wufei a glare. They were supposed to be cheering Quatre up, not bringing him down.

"I just don't want you to get hurt anymore than you already are. That's why I'm asking." Explained Wufei.

Quatre's face fell and he sniffed trying to hold the tears in. Wufei presented a valuable point and its not like he hadn't thought of that, but hearing it out loud brought the possibility more realistic.

Trowa pulled Quatre to him in a hug and Quatre couldn't hold the tears back.

Quatre didn't want to be alone anymore. He wanted Duo to come back and kiss him again. Smile at him again. Why wasn't Duo back yet? Was he ever coming back?

Trowa looked at Wufei and Heero hoping to get some guidance from them. They weren't exactly the best people around to comfort someone, but then again that was usually Quatre's job. Trowa rubbed Quatre's back and said the only thing he could think of.

"It's going to be okay."

Quatre gripped Trowa's shirt as he tried to control his tears.

"But I still love him, Trowa." Quatre sobbed looking up at Trowa. "I don't know what to do."

Trowa just hugged Quatre again, tighter this time. He wished he could tell Quatre what to do, but he honestly didn't know.

* * *

Next chapter will be longer I promise.


	3. Return

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters.

* * *

_-2 years later-_

Quatre tossed the red ball to the blonde-haired boy and smiled as the boy tried to kick the ball back. The ball didn't go far so the boy picked up the ball and bounced it back to Quatre.

"I like playing ball."

Quatre laughed. "Yes, playing with the ball is fun and when we're done we can have a snack."

"Yay!"

Quatre tossed the ball to the boy again, but tossed it too hard and it the boy ran after the ball as fast as his little legs could carry him.

Before the boy could catch up to the ball another man reached down and picked it up and held it out for the boy to take it.

"Here you go."

The boy took the ball cautiously.

"What's your name?"

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." The boy answered before running back up to Quatre and hiding behind his legs.

Quatre stood frozen as he saw who was walking towards them.

"Hello, Quatre."

Quatre swallowed as he stepped forward.

"Duo?"

Duo smiled as he gave a little wave. "Hey. Its been a long time."

Quatre hesitantly brought his hand up to touch Duo's cheek. "Is it really you Duo? This isn't some dream?"

"Its really me, Quatre."

Quatre removed his hand as he felt a constant tugging on his pants. He looked down and gave a shaky smile to the little boy.

"Yes?"

"Snack now?"

Quatre ruffled the boy's hair. "Sure. There is some pudding on the table. You can go inside and get it."

The boy dropped the ball and ran off inside.

"Cute kid." Duo commented lightly. "Is...he yours?"

Quatre shook his head. "No. I'm just babysitting. That's Zehn. Noin and Zechs's kid."

"Ah." Duo nodded in understanding, relieved at the answer. "I haven't seen him since he was a baby. He's bigger now."

"Yeah." Quatre replied off handily, still surprised that Duo was standing in front of him. He looked at Duo and he looked exactly the same as when he left. For some reason he expected Duo to look like a whole different person.

"I didn't think you were ever going to come back." Quatre said quietly.

"I told you I was."

"Its been more than two years, Duo."

"I know Quatre. I know." Duo reached out and grabbed Quatre's hand. "I'm back now though. And I realize now this is where I belong. I want to be with you Quatre. I love you."

Quatre shook his head as he yanked his hand away from Duo's.

"No, Duo. I can't do this."

"I know I've been gone a long time, Quatre, but I promise I'll make it up to you. Just give me another chance. Please." Duo pleaded, debating whether if he got on his hands and knees if it would make Quatre change his mind.

"No I mean. I can't do this because...Because I'm with someone else." Quatre looked down refusing to look at Duo's face any longer.

"Oh."

Duo felt like the someone had just punched him in the gut. He never imagined Quatre not being available when he returned. Even though he told Quatre not to wait for him, he had just assumed Quatre would. But he knew Quatre needed someone and he was the coward who left. Duo had no one to blame but himself.

"Right. Thats understandable."

Quatre looked up, not sure what to say, but Duo forced a smile and kissed Quatre on the forehead.

"I'm sorry Quatre for hurting you. I hope you're happy now. I really do."

Duo turned his back and began walking back down the driveway. Quatre wanted to say something. Call Duo's name and tell him to come back. That maybe they could work something out, but no words left his mouth. Quatre could only watch him walk away.

* * *

I know I said this chapter would be longer, but I actually changed how I wanted to progress with the story. Hopefully for the better.

In the next chapter you get to find out who Quatre replaced Duo with.


	4. Replacement

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters.

Hmmm I'm still not totally sure on the story, but I'll keep going and hopefully it's acceptable.

* * *

Trowa locked the door behind him and placed his coat on the rack. He walked into the living room and saw Zehn playing with a fire truck on the floor and Quatre was sitting on the coach staring off into the hallway.

"Hey you two."

Zehn looked up and smiled at Trowa before focusing his attention back on the toy truck.

Trowa frowned when Quatre didn't reply and went to sit next to him on the couch.

"Quatre is something wrong?"

Quatre seemed to snap out of his daze and looked at Trowa.

"What?"

"I asked if something was wrong?"

Quatre shook his head. "I'm just tired is all." He suddenly stood up. "I want to go lie down. Can you watch Zehn? Zechs and Noin are on their way to pick him up now."

Before Trowa could reply Quatre headed to the bedroom. Trowa racked his brain, but he couldn't come up with a reason for Quatre being distant toward him. He was sure that nothing had happened before he left for work.

Trowa looked down at Zehn playing on the floor and sat down next to him. It was a long shot, but maybe the little boy could give him some answers.

"Hey Zehn, did anything happen while I was gone today?"

"I played ball...and had lots of snack."

"Is that all?"

Zehn pushed the truck on the floor towards Trowa before answering.

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

Trowa raised his eyebrow at the comment, but Zehn went back to focusing on his toy so Trowa gave up trying to pry information from the toddler.

* * *

Trowa sighed as he walked into the bedroom he shared with Quatre. Zehn's parents had just picked him up and now he could focus totally on Quatre, who was currently curled up on the bed, hugging one of his pillows.

Trowa sat on the bed and ran his hand through Quatre's hair.

"Quatre are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong." Quatre mumbled into the pillow.

"Quatre."

Quatre sighed and let go of Trowa's pillow as he sat up.

"I'm sorry."

"Quatre you don't have to apologize just tell me what's going on?"

Quatre debated whether he wanted to tell Trowa or not, but he decided it was best if he did.

"...Duo came to visit today."

Trowa froze at the statement. The whole reason he was able to be here with Quatre was because Duo left Quatre alone. Since then Trowa made it his duty to comfort Quatre and show him that someone did love him. If Duo was back that meant that he might lose Quatre.

"And what happened?" Trowa asked as calmly as possible.

Quatre frowned. "Duo said he wanted me to be with him."

"And what did you say?"

Suddenly Quatre stopped frowning and spoke with anger lacing his voice.

"What did I say? What do you think I said? That bastard thinks he can come back here after two years and everything will be okay. Well it's not. I don't want him. I don't even want to see his face. I fucking hate him Trowa...I hate him."

Tears started rolling down Quatre's face and even though Trowa was surprised at Quatre's rapid mood change he stillwrapped his arms around the blonde and rubbed his back soothingly.

"It's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry, Trowa."

"Shh." Trowa held Quatre tighter and kissed the top of his head.

Quatre fisted his hands in Trowa's shirt and looked up with fear in his eyes.

"You're not going to leave me are you? You'll stay with me?"

Trowa held Quatre's face in between his hands. "I'm not leaving you Quatre. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Trowa kissed Quatre gently and wiped the tears from Quatre's face. Trowa never wanted to see Quatre sad and he would do anything in his power to keep a smile on his face. Trowa kissed Quatre again, making sure to pour all his love into the kiss.

Quatre pulled back and gave a little smile.

"Thank you so much Trowa...I'm sorry for crying, it's just..." Quatre sighed. "I'm just angry and sad. I thought we were over and then he comes back and..."

Trowa pulled Quatre down onto the bed with and held him close. "You don't have to apologize. I love you."

Quatre snuggled up to Trowa. "I love you too, Trowa. Thanks for understanding."

* * *

Yay this chapter is slightly longer.


	5. Outing

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters.

Thanks for reviewing paprika sundae and Markanovanlink, you guys are awesome.

This is a down chapter, but the next one continues with the drama.

* * *

Quatre opened his eyes and immediately noticed that Trowa was not in the bed with him. Trowa was the sole reason Quatre was able to move on past Duo. He was so torn up over Duo leaving that he could hardly focus on anything. But Trowa showed Quatre kindness, passion, thoughtfulness...the list went on, and slowly, but surely Quatre realized that Trowa was who he needed in his life. Someone who actually cared and wanted to be with him.

But why wasn't Trowa in the bed? Quatre sat up in a panic pushing the covers off of him. What if Trowa realized that he wasn't worth the time and effort. Had Trowa left him just like Duo had?

Suddenly the smell of food assaulted Quatre's senses and he calmed down slightly. He was jumping to conclusions. Trowa was just probably in the kitchen, but just to make sure Quatre decided to go find out.

Quatre breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Trowa standing in front of the stove.

"Hey, Trowa."

Trowa turned around. "Good morning, Quatre. How are you feeling?"

"I'm better. Thank you for asking." Quatre answered though he felt guilty for thinking that Trowa would have left him. After all Trowa did promise that he wouldn't leave him and Trowa had done nothing but offer love and support. "...I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?"

Quatre shrugged. "I really don't know I guess."

Trowa gave Quatre a quick kiss. "I told you to stop doing that. You have to apologize for something you didn't do."

Quatre knew Trowa was right, but still apologizing made him feel better.

Trowa turned off the stove. "I was thinking if you feel up for it today we can have breakfast and go out and spend the day together."

Quatre perked up. "That sounds really nice, but...don't you have to go to work soon."

"I don't go in today."

Quatre frowned. "You aren't staying here because of me are you?"

"No. I was going to tell you last night, but...well we were talking about other things last night so I didn't get a chance to tell you."

"Oh, okay."

"So you up for it?"

Quatre smiled. "Of course. I would love to spend a day with you. That's very sweet."

Trowa brushed his thumb over Quatre's dimple and smiled as well. That's why he couldn't tell Quatre he called in just to spend time with him. Whatever it took to keep a smile on Quatre's face he would do it. Even if it meant lying at times.

"So what do you want to do?" Trowa asked.

"Why don't you choose something?"

Trowa shrugged. "You know I don't care as long as I'm with you."

Quatre smiled even wider and wrapped his arms around Trowa. "You know exactly what to say don't you? Makes me want you even more, but I still want you to choose."

"I thought that comment would get me off the hook."

"Nope. Not this time."

"Okay well I won't be opposed to going to the movies. I'm sure there is some action flick out."

Quatre grinned. "That's great and then we can get some lunch and do some shopping at the mall."

Trowa nodded and gave Quatre a kiss. "That's fine, but first breakfast."

* * *

Quatre laughed cheerfully as he bounced into the bedroom. "This was definitely one of the best days ever."

Trowa chuckled as he followed Quatre into the room carrying several bags. "You are so easily entertained."

Trowa placed the bags of clothes near the closet before sitting on the bed. Quatre sat down on Trowa's lap smiling and Trowa wrapped his arms around Quatre's waist holding him close.

"I have to say my favorite part tonight was watching you try on those jeans."

Trowa raised his eyebrow. "Oh really?"

Quatre leaned forward and whispered in Trowa's ear. "Yep...because seeing you in jeans turns me on."

Trowa closed his eyes as Quatre began to nibble on his ear lobe. "But I wear jeans all the time."

Quatre chuckled. "I know."

"Hm, well that certainly explains a few things."

Quatre began kissing along Trowa's jaw line. "I want you, Trowa. Do you want me too?" Quatre asked, wriggling in Trowa's lap.

"Of course, Quatre. I always want you." Trowa captured Quatre's lips in a searing kiss. "And I'm going to show you just how much."

* * *

"Mmm, Trowa." Quatre mumbled as he snuggled up to Trowa.

Trowa continued to stroke Quatre's hair even after he was asleep. He loved Quatre and would do anything for him and yet...he wasn't sure if Quatre felt the same. Sure Quatre wouldn't say "I love you" without meaning it, but Trowa couldn't help but feel like he was just a substitute for Duo. Quatre said he didn't want anything to do with Duo, but seeing Quatre's reaction regarding Duo's return made him wonder. If Quatre was really over Duo like he said, why would he care so much that Duo came back?

Trowa couldn't help but wonder who Quatre really wanted. It all boiled down to the question who Quatre would chose if given the choice. Duo or Trowa.

* * *

Duo makes an appearance in the next chapter.


	6. Decision

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters.

I'm going on a mini vacation so I wanted to put something up before I left. Enjoy.

* * *

Trowa stared down into his cup of black coffee as he inhaled the aroma. He was supposed to be getting ready for work, but he needed the caffeine to help him wake up. Despite the fact that his mind was still laden with sleep he couldn't stop thinking about Quatre's previous relationship with Duo. It was true that Quatre seemed content with staying with Trowa now, but then again Quatre also seemed content with Duo.

"Why do I keep dwelling on this?" Trowa mumbled to himself. "Quatre is with me, I should be happy." Trowa rubbed at his eyes, trying to clear his thoughts, but he kept seeing images of Quatre and Duo together.

Quatre walked into the kitchen and smiled at Trowa as he pulled the cream cheese from the refrigerator and went about fixing himself a bagel. He looked at Trowa who seemed a little out of it, but he was usually like that until he had enough caffeine in his system.

"Quatre?"

"Hm?" Quatre replied, taking a bite of his breakfast.

"Do you still love Duo?" The question slipped out of Trowa's mouth before he realized it.

Quatre nearly choked on his food. "What?"

Trowa regretted asking, but there was no turning back now. "Do you still love Duo?" He repeated.

Quatre frowned. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Answer the question."

"I'm with you Trowa and I love you." Quatre replied, knowing that didn't exactly answer Trowa's question, but hoping it would be enough.

"That's not what I asked." Trowa feared the answer to the question, but knew it would continue to haunt him if he didn't know for sure.

"Look Trowa...I will always care about Duo. He was my first...for a lot of things and I thought it was going to last, but it didn't and now that's over. You are who I want to be with now."

"You're only with me because Duo dumped you."

Quatre took a step back, shocked. "Duo did not dump me."

"Why are you defending him?"

Quatre pinched his nose and took a deep breath. He didn't want to do this right now.

"I don't understand why you still keep bringing this up, but we will have to talk more about this when I get back from work okay?"

Trowa remained silent and frowned as he watched Quatre leave. The conversation had revelaed a lot to him and now Trowa knew what he had to do.

* * *

Duo swished the whiskey around in the glass before downing it in one swallow. The alcohol burned his throat, but it was worth the minor discomfort if he could get drunk and disregard how miserable his life was without Quatre.

Duo gestured for a refill and nodded in approval as his glass was brimming again with the gold colored liquid. Duo glanced to his right as he noticed someone slide into the stool beside him. He blinked hard trying to figure out if he was seeing things or not, but the image in front of him didn't disappear. Duo downed his other glass of whiskey, feeling the numbness take over.

"What do you want?"

Trowa frowned as he took in Duo's disheveled appearance, but got the bartender's attention and ordered himself and Duo a drink.

"I came to talk about Quatre."

Duo rolled his eyes. "If you came here to tell me how I fucked up, I don't want to hear it. Just let me wallow in peace."

"That's not what I'm here for." Trowa replied.

"No?" Duo tried to rack his brain for another reason Trowa would come see him, but he was pretty buzzed and his thought processes weren't up to par. "How did you know where to find me?"

"Heero told me."

Duo snorted. "Figures."

Duo had told Heero that when he came to get Quatre back he found out wasn't available. It was thanks to Heero that Duo found out it was Trowa who had took his place. That's when he promptly told Heero he was going to a bar to drink. And that was where he had been ever since.

"So what did you come here for then?"

Trowa swirled the alcohol in the glass with a finger. "I'm leaving Quatre."

"What?" Duo eyes widened and then shook his head. Trowa couldn't have just said what he thought he said. According to Heero, Quatre and Trowa were a happy couple. "You're shittin' me right?"

"No, I'm not." Trowa closed his eyes and relived the good times he had spent with Quatre through his head. He didn't really want to leave Quatre, but he felt it was something that needed to be done.

Trowa opened his eyes and looked at Duo. "Quatre is still in love with you. If you hadn't left I'm sure he would still be with you now. If I leave things can go back to the way they are supposed to be."

"So you don't love Quatre?" Duo asked, still unsure about the whole thing.

Trowa's eyes narrowed. "I do love Quatre and that's why I'm doing this. He's been thinking about you since you came back. I know he is just staying with me because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. So I'm sparring him the grief."

Duo smiled slightly at the thought of Quatre thinking about him, but the fact remained that Quatre didn't take him back. What was going to be different this time?

"Are you sure this is what Quatre wants?" Duo asked quietly.

Trowa sighed. Why couldn't Duo just agree to the plan? "Do you not want Quatre anymore?"

Duo shook his head. "No I do I just...All I want is for Quatre to be happy. I know he was happy with me at one point, but I hurt him and he moved on. I just figured my time with him was over."

"I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. That should give you enough time to clean up and make yourself presentable. I want you to be there for him after he finds out. I don't want him to be alone, okay?"

Duo nodded. "If you're sure about this..."

"I am." Trowa confirmed raising his glass and Duo followed suit.

* * *

*gasp* What is Quatre going to do when he finds out? You gotta keep reading and find out :)


	7. Heartache

I know its late, but Happy New Year everyone! I haven't forgot about this fic I'm still on it, but its been revised so many times until I felt like it was presentable.

Warnings- Lots of angst.

* * *

Trowa looked at Quatre's sleeping form beside him and smoothed Quatre's bangs away from his face. This was it. This would be the last night he could hold Quatre like this. In the morning he would leave for good. Trowa didn't want it to be the end, but it had to be like this.

"I love you, Quatre." Trowa whispered softly as he placed a kiss on his forehead and then pulled the blond close.

* * *

Quatre rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he sat up in the bed. He called Trowa's name but didn't receive a reply. Quatre stretched and made his way out of the bed. It was still early in the morning, but he found it hard to get much sleep once he knew Trowa wasn't by his side.

Quatre took a quick shower, brushed his teeth and got dressed before heading downstairs where he saw Trowa sitting at the dining table.

"Good morning Trowa." Quatre said smiling. "How long have you been awake?"

"Awhile." Trowa said as he stood up. "Look Quatre we need to talk."

Trowa knew this was going to be hard, but if he didn't do it now he would lose his nerve.

Quatre's smile fell from as he noticed the lack of emotion on Trowa's face. "About what?"

"I'm leaving Quatre."

"Leaving? Like to visit Cathy or something?" Asked Quatre, fear lacing his voice.

"No. I'm leaving for good. I've already packed most of my belongings." Trowa said gesturing towards the duffel bag near the door.

"Trowa you...you can't be serious." Quatre grasped Trowa's hand. "Listen if this is about Duo I already told you-"

"I don't love you, Quatre." Trowa almost threw up at the confession, but it was the only way he could get Quatre to let him leave.

Quatre's hand fell from Trowa's lifelessly. "What? I don't understand. You just said last night you love me. Are you telling me you didn't mean it? Any of it?"

Trowa looked Quatre in the eye and hoped he looked as detached as he was trying to make himself feel. "Yes. I just felt sorry for you because Duo left, that's the only reason why I was here, but I'm tired of pretending."

Trowa turned away from and headed for the door, but Quatre darted in front of him. "You promised me you wouldn't leave me."

"I lied."

With that Trowa stepped around Quatre and picked up his bag before leaving the house for good.

Quatre watched Trowa leave before collapsing onto the floor. His chest hurt and it felt like he couldn't breathe. Was this really happening? Was he going to be along again?

* * *

Quatre groggily opened his eyes as he looked around the room. He didn't remember falling asleep on the floor, but then again he didn't want to remember a lot of things right now.

*Knock Knock*

Quatre froze as he listened to the sound coming from the other side of the door, not sure if he heard it correctly. He waited a few seconds and he heard it again and he quickly scrambled up from the floor. Maybe it was Trowa coming back to say that he still loved him.

Quatre ran to the door and practically ripped it open. "Trowa?"

Quatre took a step back as he realized it wasn't Trowa on the other side of the door.

Duo tried not to flinch at the disappointed look on Quatre's face and nervously straightened his shirt. He had made sure his clothes and breath didn't smell like alcohol and that his hair was pulled back tightly into his braid, but he still felt self-conscious in Quatre's presence. Maybe he should have brought some flowers as a peace offering.

"What are you doing here, Duo?"

Duo opened his mouth. "I..." Suddenly the speech he had worked so hard on before he got there flew his mind and he didn't know what to say.

"I don't have time to deal with you right now." Quatre made a move to close the door, but Duo held his hand up to keep it open.

"You need me." Duo blurted out.

Quatre frowned and stepped back inside the house. "You don't know what I need."

Duo sighed as he followed Quatre inside and closed the door behind him. "I know about Trowa."

Quatre glared at Duo. "Shut up Duo, you don't know what's going on."

"I do know what's going on. Trowa told me himself, he's not coming back. That's why I'm here, Quatre."

"He promised me he wouldn't leave him. He said he loved him."

"I'm the one who loves you." Duo said stepping closer to Quatre.

Quatre shook his head. "I want Trowa."

Duo placed his hands on Quatre's shoulders. "He's not coming back."

Quatre pulled away from Duo. "You're don't know what you're talking about. Trowa and I just need to talk and then everything is going to be okay."

Duo tried to pull Quatre to him, but Quatre pushed him away. "Don't you still love me Quatre?"

Quatre stiffened at that question. "I..."

The answer to that question is what was causing him so many problems in the first place. Did he love Duo? At one point he did, but now he wasn't sure. Quatre had to admit if he wasn't dating Trowa when Duo came back he would have gladly took him back. But still Trowa wasn't just a replacement for Duo. Trowa had shown Quatre so much emotion, so much care and consideration that he couldn't help falling in love with him. But still was he ready to move on back then?

"Look Quatre." Duo said breaking Quatre's train of thoughts. "I know I messed things up the first time, but I promise it will never happen again. I love you."

Duo gently pulled Quatre to him and Quatre resisted the urge to wrap his arms around Duo. Despite how long it had been, being in Duo's arm made him feel complete again and the pain he felt in his heart lessened.

But Quatre shook his head. This was wrong, he still loved Trowa. "Let me go, please."

Duo was tempted to do as Quatre requested, but having Quatre in his arms again was heaven. Duo wanted Quatre and he was going to do whatever he could to get him back.

"Lets talk about this Quatre, I know we can work this out, trust me."

Suddenly Quatre placed his hands against Duo's chest and shoved hard, causing Duo to stumble back.

"Trust? You want me to trust you?" Quatre nearly screamed.

Duo didn't like Quatre's hysterical tone. "Listen Quatre, please I-"

"No, Duo. You acted like you cared about me, but you left me. And I waited. I really thought you were going to come back, but two years passed Duo. Two fucking years with no email, phone call, anything. And then Trowa...He said he loved me...that he wouldn't leave me, but he lied to me and now I..."

"Quatre I can explain why I was gone for so long."

"No, I don't want to hear it. Leave me alone."

"Quatre..." Duo reached out his hand towards Quatre, but Quatre slapped it away.

"Get out!" Quatre yelled before he turned and ran to his bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Duo stood stunned as he tried to process what happened. He had never seen so much pain and anger radiating from Quatre before. Did he really cause all that much heartache?

"Shit, I really fucked up."

* * *

Quatre made sure the bathroom door was locked before he buried his face in his hands and slid down against the door. He wasn't even sure if he was really mad at Duo or even mad at Trowa for that matter.

"This is all my fault anyway." Quatre mumbled to himself as he scrubbed at his eyes to stop the flow of tears. "I pushed to hard with Duo and then I was too clingy with Trowa. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone."

Quatre lied down on the cold tiles, wrapping his arms around himself. Both his head and his heart was hurting and he didn't know how to stop the pain.

* * *

Too much angst? There is no such thing.


	8. Hospital

I haven't forgotten about this story. I'm still here. Here we go.

* * *

"Shut up I'm trying to sleep here." Trowa mumbled into the pillow, directing his cries towards the pounding at the front door of his hotel room.

The pounding continued so Trowa awkwardly rolled out of bed and stumbled towards the door, placing one hand on his head to ease the constant pounding that was coming from inside his skull. Now he knew what having a hangover was like.

Trowa yelled as he opened the door. "What the hell do you want?"

The sun was bright and Trowa squinted his eyes at the person in front of him. "Wufei?"

Wufei frowned as he took in Trowa's disheveled appearance. "Why haven't you been answering your phone?"

Trowa shrugged as he took a step back into his room. "I turned it off."

Wufei growled as he pushed past Trowa and walked into the room. "I've been trying to contact you."

Trowa let the hotel door close and he started shuffling towards the bed. "What the hell is so important that you had to come all the way over here and disturb my sleep?"

Wufei shook his head at the beer bottles strewed about the room. "You're drunk."

"Not at this present time, no."

Wufei sighed. He really didn't want to tell Trowa the news in his present condition, but he didn't want to wait until he was back to normal either. The sooner he told him, the better.

"I think you should sit down."

Trowa raised an eyebrow, but lied back on the bed and closed his eyes, wondering if there were any aspirin in the hotel room. He didn't think they came standard with the rooms, but maybe this one was special.

Wufei crossed his arms and frowned, then sighed and let his hands fall to his sides.

Trowa opened his eyes and took in Wufei's demeanor. He seemed fidgety and nervous. Very rarefor him.

Trowa sat up slowly. "What's so damn important that you drove all the way over here for?"

Wufei took a deep breath to gather himself before speaking softly. "…Quatre is in the hospital."

Trowa stared at Wufei like he grew another head. "What did you say?"

"There has been an accident and Quatre is in the hospital."

In two long strides Trowa was in front of Wufei grabbing the front of his shirt and Wufei noticed his eyes were wide and frightened.

"What happened? Is he okay? What the hell happened?"

Wufei tugged Trowa's hands from his shirt. "He was in critical condition the last time I was updated. It seems Quatre…attempted suicide."

Trowa's arms dropped to his sides as he looked at Wufei in disbelief. "I…don't understand. Why would he do that? And Duo…What about Duo? Duo was supposed to be there with him."

"Duo may be the only reason Quatre is alive right now. I came to let you know I'm going to the hospital. Do you want to come?"

Before Wufei could finish Trowa was already heading towards to the door.

* * *

Duo stared down at his hands as he shifted in the chair in the waiting room of the hospital. Even though he had scrubbed his hands in his mind he could still see the red crimson stains on his hands and smell the harsh pungent stench of blood.

Quatre had tried to….It still was hard for him to even say it in his mind. Was Quatre so upset with him that he would rather die than talkto him?

Heero stared at Duo trying to gauge his mindset but he was having trouble interpreting Duo's expression. He seemed lost, yet maybe something else. It was hard to pinpoint.

"Duo?"

"I'm fine Heero." Duo responded automatically. He knew Heero was worried about him, but he really just wanted to sit in silence until thenews came about Quatre's condition.

Trowa rushed through the hospital. He didn't know where he was going, but he was going to find someone that could provide answers as to where Quatre was and what was his condition. However Wufei had to take over inquiring about where Quatre was because Trowa was upsettingthe staff.

They finally figured out where to go and headed towards the correct waiting area. Trowa hadn't said a word in the car and had only spoke when questioning the staff, but when he saw Duo he lost it.

"You son of a bitch!"

Duo barely looked up in time to see Trowa rushing at him. Trowa pulled Duo out of his chair by the collar of his shirt and shook him.

"How the hell could you let this happen?"

"What? I didn't _let_ anything."

"I specifically you told you to be there for him. That's all you had to fucking do."

Duo pried Trowa's hands from his shirt and yelled back. "I _was_ there for him. You know why? Because you left him and he was fucking devastated. He didn't even want me there, all he wanted was you." Duo pushed Trowa back. "You're a fuckingbastard, you know that?"

"Stop this nonsense. Both of you. This is not the time or place." Wufei growled stepping between the two of them.

Wufei was ignored and Trowa continued berating Duo. "If I knew you couldn't handle it I wouldn't have left you alone with him. What if he doesn't make it, huh? Tell me what happens then?"

Duo opened his mouth to retort but then found he couldn't. Trowa was right. It was his fault. He screwed up. If he hadn't let Quatre run off and hide and lockhimself in the bathroom, this could have all been avoided.

"You're right. It's my fault. This is all my fault. I should have ne-"

"I said that's _enough_." Wufei spoke again as he forced Trowa away from Duo.

Heero put a hand on Duo's shoulder. "It's not your fault Duo. If anything, you helped him get to the hospital before it was too late."

Duo shrugged off Heero's hand and slumpeddown in his previous seat while Wufei directed Trowa to a seat on the other side of the room.

Trowa continued to glare at Duo from his seat, but Duo never acknowledged that he noticed.

Heero and Wufei's gazes met, but neither one knew exactly how to handle the situation.

* * *

There were some guesses about the current turn of events, but it is a drama story so I'm added as much as possible. The next update won't take another year. I promise that. Any feedback is appreciated.


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